a random riff

Its such a lovely thing to be able to go to 

the park and feel the sun, walk through 

the tall grass, and smell the sweet

flowers. A small and wonderful 

thing I only seldom took the time to 

enjoy before. Ahh, the small things

I was depriving myself of as I searched and searched for 

a different path to my happiness. All the while, in front 

of my face, was a way to connect to God, to see His 

creation as a reality in my skewed perceptions, and 

give life to my senses that were diluted with pain and anger. 

These simple moments are almost what has

given me life again. I let the sun kiss my cheek, watch my dog romp and smile, and my feet get black as soot, and in that moment I am me. I have no other place to be but there. At one point I realized everywhere I went I would take pictures of the things that I enjoyed. And at this point i am realizing I am missing out on holding that object, feeling it, smelling it, experiencing it. A new hold on creation has been a gift these last few months, and a much needed boost of love has come my way through God's shining on this for me. 

Back in a heartbeat that faded into the sunset,

the memories that once implored my days, not quite strong enough to relieve the pain,

that searching and fearlessnes cannot overcome,

and wishes to go back are but ashes to the wind.

Will the days be seen where contentment lives hearty,

and will the dawn come quick so darkness does not consume me?

Will I not linger in sorrow while dreaming of new outcomes,

these motions rage through me as a fiercely hungry spree.

Back to the breath that bellows deep inside me,

as my belly fills and empties, my brain waxes and it wanes.

A spirit of hope will not be broken at any cost,

For I cannot go back to elation but trudge a brand new path.

I know moments will live where my body is wrapped in sunlight,

where I can hum a tune of sanctity and whistle away the morrows,

Where the world is at one and dreams are lively truth,

And the wind will carry dew to freshen a kilned soul.

a little scared to be honest

Well, I could start off saying that I will hide behind my camera and looking glass the whole time and subconsciously relive what I did 7 months prior. Whether it's going to be similar or something far from comfortable, I have put my neck out and dove off the dock.
I remember making decisions as a child that were anything but thought out. Sara and Julie, Lauren, I and many others were at the Up North Cottage,. Late night we took a swim, in all of our clothes, and literally froze to death. As most of us slithered our way in the freezing cold water, Sara dove off. I remember looking deeper into the water, and seeing spear like metal rods, that she so unknowingly dove in between. I was terrified, but later realized that all things come together for a reason.
Now, I meditate on most ideas before action occurs. I have always been impulsive, to a great extent, and had an attitude that I would make it through anything that happened to me. I have learned to slow that roll down a bit and digest what haphazard thoughts may pop up. I have also come to realize there are pros and cons to everything decision that you make, this one not excluded. If I would have made this decision two months ago, I may not have ever went through with it. If I made it 2 months from now, I might not be around to live it out. I have made my decision at the best possible time. There are no regrets that will come with a choice that will further empower my future to do as I so happily wish. Ahh yes, another chapter. Everything will be ok. I rest in this moment and belief that it all will be taken care of, and I will not hide behind my camera, I will face it head on!!

a plan for this new year

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2671/3935309072_fc172cfd6d_b.jpg

here's to whatever your inner voice speaks

When I was little I remember having a million different projects going on at once, I could not do it all fast enough. I remember writing little books, reading ten books at once, drawing illustrations that went with those books and some how finding time for a social life ( no, just kidding). And today, while listening to Dave Matthews band, playing on line scrabble, and studying for school (oh and drinking coffee and eating a scone) I happily realize that not much has changed. I scour my brain, filter it out and then act on the most tangible activity at the time. At any given time I will have 10 to 20 things I want to try and do. I was such a busy bee back then and continue to keep it alive. I think if I were to stop, i would be stifling a God given talent that would manifest in other ways. I dream about an open space with a painting corner, a throwing wheel, a drafting table and all the fabric I would ever need; on second thought maybe I should just enroll in art school :) But as sporadic as my thoughts are I have come to love them and nurture their random nature. In other news, I just listened to a hypnosis podcast which was unusually pleasant, but came to realize that I CAN do all these things. I can have twenty projects going on at once, there is nothing wrong with that, and I will finish them at my own pace, one day! First on my list, my short story #1. mom--I still think about that Ponyo film all the time. Inspiration is essential to this process,and it facilitates my thoughts in the first place.
here's some related inspiration: seriously love her clothes!!

http://www.etsy.com/profile.php?user_id=5381559

kitsch fashion show

Last Friday 9/18 (reliving itself in these photos) was a night to be remembered. So fun. Sandra Antoun, a friend and very talented young lady, arranged all outfits and accessories, along with some help from friends, in order to create such a magnificent show. Ann Kelso salon and Kendra Scott jewelry were amongst the grand helpers! Kitsch Trading Co. will give you money for your vintage, new, designer, or just good-looking clothing here in Austin. check it out at http://www.kitschtradingco.com/

For the day after our 5 years which included an evening of live music, awesome food and fun, it capped off a great week.

Now the next one with parents and more love galore!

fall is my favorite!!

This week all the leaves will begin to change and I plan on taking a wonderful drive/stroll in order to see it all. I'm thinking Lost Maples and possibly to the coast if weather permits. I love the changing of the season and hoping that Texas will not disappoint. Wisconsin has such awesome seasonal changes! I cannot wait. My parents will be here on Friday and we have a wonderful week planned ahead of us. So many things to do, so little time. I do wish they could stay longer; but it will be sweet.
last night, I spent much time cleaning out my closet. In with the new, out with the old. Getting rid of sooo many clothes. I think I'm going to refashion them into different clothes, and then use some of them for my art projects. Its a wonder how I ever acquired so many clothes throughout the years.
ta ta for now