Back in a heartbeat that faded into the sunset,

the memories that once implored my days, not quite strong enough to relieve the pain,

that searching and fearlessnes cannot overcome,

and wishes to go back are but ashes to the wind.

Will the days be seen where contentment lives hearty,

and will the dawn come quick so darkness does not consume me?

Will I not linger in sorrow while dreaming of new outcomes,

these motions rage through me as a fiercely hungry spree.

Back to the breath that bellows deep inside me,

as my belly fills and empties, my brain waxes and it wanes.

A spirit of hope will not be broken at any cost,

For I cannot go back to elation but trudge a brand new path.

I know moments will live where my body is wrapped in sunlight,

where I can hum a tune of sanctity and whistle away the morrows,

Where the world is at one and dreams are lively truth,

And the wind will carry dew to freshen a kilned soul.

a little scared to be honest

Well, I could start off saying that I will hide behind my camera and looking glass the whole time and subconsciously relive what I did 7 months prior. Whether it's going to be similar or something far from comfortable, I have put my neck out and dove off the dock.
I remember making decisions as a child that were anything but thought out. Sara and Julie, Lauren, I and many others were at the Up North Cottage,. Late night we took a swim, in all of our clothes, and literally froze to death. As most of us slithered our way in the freezing cold water, Sara dove off. I remember looking deeper into the water, and seeing spear like metal rods, that she so unknowingly dove in between. I was terrified, but later realized that all things come together for a reason.
Now, I meditate on most ideas before action occurs. I have always been impulsive, to a great extent, and had an attitude that I would make it through anything that happened to me. I have learned to slow that roll down a bit and digest what haphazard thoughts may pop up. I have also come to realize there are pros and cons to everything decision that you make, this one not excluded. If I would have made this decision two months ago, I may not have ever went through with it. If I made it 2 months from now, I might not be around to live it out. I have made my decision at the best possible time. There are no regrets that will come with a choice that will further empower my future to do as I so happily wish. Ahh yes, another chapter. Everything will be ok. I rest in this moment and belief that it all will be taken care of, and I will not hide behind my camera, I will face it head on!!

a plan for this new year

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2671/3935309072_fc172cfd6d_b.jpg

here's to whatever your inner voice speaks

When I was little I remember having a million different projects going on at once, I could not do it all fast enough. I remember writing little books, reading ten books at once, drawing illustrations that went with those books and some how finding time for a social life ( no, just kidding). And today, while listening to Dave Matthews band, playing on line scrabble, and studying for school (oh and drinking coffee and eating a scone) I happily realize that not much has changed. I scour my brain, filter it out and then act on the most tangible activity at the time. At any given time I will have 10 to 20 things I want to try and do. I was such a busy bee back then and continue to keep it alive. I think if I were to stop, i would be stifling a God given talent that would manifest in other ways. I dream about an open space with a painting corner, a throwing wheel, a drafting table and all the fabric I would ever need; on second thought maybe I should just enroll in art school :) But as sporadic as my thoughts are I have come to love them and nurture their random nature. In other news, I just listened to a hypnosis podcast which was unusually pleasant, but came to realize that I CAN do all these things. I can have twenty projects going on at once, there is nothing wrong with that, and I will finish them at my own pace, one day! First on my list, my short story #1. mom--I still think about that Ponyo film all the time. Inspiration is essential to this process,and it facilitates my thoughts in the first place.
here's some related inspiration: seriously love her clothes!!

http://www.etsy.com/profile.php?user_id=5381559

kitsch fashion show

Last Friday 9/18 (reliving itself in these photos) was a night to be remembered. So fun. Sandra Antoun, a friend and very talented young lady, arranged all outfits and accessories, along with some help from friends, in order to create such a magnificent show. Ann Kelso salon and Kendra Scott jewelry were amongst the grand helpers! Kitsch Trading Co. will give you money for your vintage, new, designer, or just good-looking clothing here in Austin. check it out at http://www.kitschtradingco.com/

For the day after our 5 years which included an evening of live music, awesome food and fun, it capped off a great week.

Now the next one with parents and more love galore!

fall is my favorite!!

This week all the leaves will begin to change and I plan on taking a wonderful drive/stroll in order to see it all. I'm thinking Lost Maples and possibly to the coast if weather permits. I love the changing of the season and hoping that Texas will not disappoint. Wisconsin has such awesome seasonal changes! I cannot wait. My parents will be here on Friday and we have a wonderful week planned ahead of us. So many things to do, so little time. I do wish they could stay longer; but it will be sweet.
last night, I spent much time cleaning out my closet. In with the new, out with the old. Getting rid of sooo many clothes. I think I'm going to refashion them into different clothes, and then use some of them for my art projects. Its a wonder how I ever acquired so many clothes throughout the years.
ta ta for now

books that I love

As a child I don't particularly remember being read to(although my mom has informed me it was a very regular occurrence,my memory only escapes me) however I do remember discovering books on my own, little by little. I had huge collections of books everywhere around my house. Dr. Seuss,Magic School Bus,Bible stories.... The first books that I can remember devouring would be The Babysitter's Club books. At age 12, I believe I had read almost every one of those books, which were so cleverly engineered towards teens who can relate to babysitting disasters its ridiculous, and still own every book in the collection. I was so enthralled by their adventures and once I picked up one of these books, was hard pressed to set it down until it was finished.
Ramona Quimby--by Beverly Clearly-whom I adore, was another book that I could fully relate to. A stumbling, bumbling and awkward child I was and very rarely was found understood. Not until later on in my life did I realized that my oddities were something I would come to engage and love about myself.
After that, came Goosebumps, CampFear,James and the Giant Peach and Where the Sidewalk Ends in my more sophisticated stages. Something about adventure and suspense was vital in around the age of 14. I think back now how obvious it was that I would be seeking the unknown, having been just a child myself. These days, I observe children and teens and see how they have an independence that shouts "i know everything." But time and time again, they will fall down and need someone to pick them back up. Children and adults alike.
The book I would give to an infant would be The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint Exupery. I think its pretty much been heard and read by everyone, and would need little explanation in loo of its marvelous illustrations. I hope someday I can give this book to a little one near and dear to me!

Welliver

"Just as a melody can shift in key when transposed for a different instrument, a pattern of colors is transposed as it moves from sunlight into shadow."

I LOVE THE WAY that Maine artist Neil Welliver uses light and shadow so brilliantly and vividly in his paintings. His use of shadows especially true in Shadow, one of his paintings, is entirely palpable and realistic. The snowy image takes me back through long hikes in the woods by my house close to the lake and captures the feelings of bitter cold when the sun hides briefly behind the clouds.

i am a nature <3 r

As I was watching Disney's Earth last night, I realized just how deep nature can touch me.. Best told by Walt himself, 'there is no greater show or cartoon that we could create that would parallel with the comedy, drama and stories told in nature.' It fascinates me to discover unique things I never knew existed somewhere beyond where I live and how I perceive this world. Just think , right now, somewhere in Africa, a cheetah may be chasing its prey at 70 mph; ready to devour. A bird may be doing everything in it's power to show off its awe inspiring beauty and flare, yet not impress even the most simple of birds. I, on the other hand, was astounded by its show (above).
The polar bear bit of the movie was what hit me the hardest. I felt sad and useless as James Earl Jones broke down to me just how hard it is for these bears to merely survive. Polar bears hibernate in the Arctic all winter long and come out in spring, weighing half what they did before, and starving. More often than not, the mothers hibernate longer and come spring, poke their heads out with new born cubs. After their hibernation, they set out in search of food. The steps out of the den are the first the cubs have taken which begins an incredible adventure. The father bear has set out before his mate and cubs in search of food in the sea. At first it was mostly frozen,but due to our Earth's temperature warming, the snow started to melt. The papa bear was stranded in the middle of sea forced to swim for days back to land in order to find food (that he hadn't enjoyed for months). He swam and swam and had no luck. He swam for days and finally reached shore where the only sign of food appeared to be gigantic walruses'. The bear had lost half of his weight and was exhausted, but attempted to attack a walrus, whose tusks are as dangerous as a ninja with a sword. His attempts failed and he was forced to lay down and let go. This scene saddened me so deeply and I was at a loss for how to express what I felt; until James Earl Jones put it all back into perspective and said, "some times these harsh realities are hard to understand, but at other times Earth can be sheer paradise." He hit that nail on the head.
And today, as I was listening to Badmarsh and Shri on the way to work I came across an unusual scene. Being from the Midwest, whose animals all seem so familiar and tired, an armadillo on the side of the road might has well been an alien from Ork. But this being business as usual for Texans forced whomever hit this poor creature to not give it a second thought. This parallels a squirrel or coon road kill I suppose. But why, this being my first Dillo sighting, did it have to be in this shape? It saddened me a bit, but at the same time set me off in a mood for the day that felt utterly connected and in union with nature outside of my world. I can't explain it as well as Jones, but I can now accept the animal kingdom's reality is as harsh as ours. Their species come and go, the food chain morphs everyday, and new adventures will unfold tomorrow. In a new life, I would be a nature photographer or advocate for the WWF; touring around the world in hopes of protecting these amazing creatures, and ensuring they will see brighter tomorrows. But underneath my hopes for them is what is known as the circle of life; and no matter what, it will take place!

who doesnt love kermit the frog!

It's Not Easy Being Me

It's not that easy bein' me;
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves,
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold—
or something much more colorful like that.

It's not easy bein' me.
It seems I blend in with so many other ordinary things.
And people tend to pass me over 'cause I'm not standing out like flashy sparkles
in the water—or stars in the sky.

But I'm the color of Spring.
And I can be cool and friendly-like.
And I can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain, or tall like a tree.

When I am all there is to be
It could make me wonder why; but why wonder why? Wonder:
I am me, and it'll do fine, I'm beautiful!
And I think it's what I want to be.

color

Color in perception and emotion is everything. Its vital and fundamental to our human experience.

sweetest site for fonts ever

http://www.dafont.com/alpha.php

I wish that I knew how to create using letters better. This site I found on m.writes blog is amazing for finding lettering that is unconventional yet useful. It inspires me to expand my horizons with fonts.

Travel Dreams

(picture courteous of Jade Black)

My Top Ten List
#1-- East Africa and Madagascar
#2--Kruger National Park--South Africa
#3--Brazil
#4--Bali
#5--Southeast Asia-Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia
#6--Cook Islands
#7--New Zealand
#8--New Guinea and Indonesia, and Micronesia
#9--Israel
#10--Iceland

My dream trip would be to go somewhere I will see things everyday that I may never see again. Madagascar has so many unusual and unique animals and plants native to it where I would never visit somewhere else and say, "Eh, Ive already seen that." Me, my husband and my friends, who are currently visiting us here in Austin, James and Jade, went to the zoo the other day. We had a fairly good time, but the highlight for me was as usual the monkeys. They truly are amazing creatures. They took the little pieces of food from me through their cage with their tiny little fingers and their tiny little fingernails. I love experiencing once in a life time connections with animals and people alike. A dream it would be to see earth in all its majesty as never seen before. Places like Africa, Egypt and Iceland seem to only exist in our imaginations, but are here on earth and are ready for us to come explore. Our travels through Russia and Europe were impressive and memorable, but next I want to stay in huts with natives, swim with the whales and befriend a ring-tailed Lemur. Africa.....your not that far away, are you?

Writing assignment: "As if she were the only one"

No more would all the opinions in the world matter to how she thought of herself. She had always before appeared unsure, nervous and overly self conscious. Yet, now her presence had remarkably turned. A plain and reserved shell had time and time again walked through the door with little to no excitement towards the world; yet I had heard about a different person, hiding, that only her closest friends knew about. They shared stories with me unimaginably speaking about the same person. Who was she? Mysterious as ever, now I couldn't put my finger on it.
Something must have changed. Today she wore a crimson colored dress that gripped her body as I'd never seen. She glanced over at me and shot a glimmer my way as if I had been struck by lightning. Her hair seemed to have grown over night as now it was flaxen and silky down passed her shoulders. Today, I noticed a necklace that wasn't apparent yesterday. It was golden and appeared to hold a picture of a young man in a military suit. I daydreamed of the possibilities as I stood behind the bar polishing yet another glass. Could so much had changed in so little time to revolutionize this woman's spirit. It was the unthinkable, real today in this young woman's life.
On her off time, away from this dreadful bar, she had gone off and met a young military man. Handsome, able and strong awaiting some young lass to sweep off her feet. And our drab young dear who ordered the same thing everyday and barely could look you in the eyes, transformed into a beautiful butterfly overnight. She floated in like high tide, unexpectedly and sparkling. Surely,she was a new woman.

Here is an example of the art that I have been creating. I look forward to doing more personal orders and custom making them for whomever may wish. I love searching for the fabric and can guarantee that I can make you one fit for any room in your house.
email me with any questions you may have!

Great fabric back home!!

http://www.manhattantextiles.com/

some of my favorite things

popsicles,lemons,tape,hot sauce,swimming suits,goodwil, skirts,very little things,getting mail,earrings,peacock feathers,highlighters,peanut butter and bananas,flowers,puppies,very strong coffee,clay,burt's bees,marb lights,pilot precise pens,bobby pins,HAWAII, jellyfish and overything else ocean!

and some favorite quotes:


Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes it away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it that it may bear more fruit.

From a book that has continued to enlighten me:

"He was a great believer in making decisions and then burning your bridges behind you so that you had to
make good, and he told how Alexander the Great once handled such a situation. It seems that the great general was about to lead him army against a powerful foe whose men greatly outnumbered his own. Because of the odds against them, his army had shown little enthusiasm for the upcoming battle as they set sail for what they feared would be their end. When Alexander finally unloaded his men and equipment on enemy shores, he issued an order for all his ships to be burned. As their means of retreat slowly sank in flames behind them Alexander rose to address his men and said " see your crafts going up in smoke, their ashes floating to the sea? That is our assurance that we shall be victorious for none of us can leave this despicable land unless we are victorious in battle. Men, when we go home we are going home in their ships!"-Og Mandino


"Then I was afloat with Edie Rickenbacker, who was asked after he was rescued, what the biggest lesson was that he had learned while drifting about with his buddies in life rafts for twenty one days when lost in the Pacific during World War 2. Rickenbacker had replied," The biggest lesson that I have learned was that if you have all the fresh water you want to drink and all the food you want to eat, you ought never to complain about anything."-Og Mandino

"Every patient carries her or his own doctor inside."

And If I stumble, and if I stall And if I slip now, and if I should fall And if I can't be, all that I could be Will you? Will you wait for me?-Alexi Murdoch

Shel

101

101 Things about me:
1. This will be my first blog, which is a huge step because I mostly keep a very private attitude towards who I am.
1.5 I have been given a second chance and I plan on taking full advantage of this!!!
2.I wake up everyday and already feel rushed to get things done.
3. I collect papers and pictures in boxes randomly around my house.
4. I typically have a hard time throwing things away.
5.I love old big band music and jazz like Benny Goodman and Ella Fitzgerald.
6.I am fascinated with the ocean and dream about laying on the beach forever.
7.I explore different words everyday. new favorite: torrent
8. I have experienced miracles in my life, especially recently.
9. I collect clothes and am addicted to the Goodwill.
10. I'm not sure what my hair color is.
11. I love Leonard Cohen and Joni Mitchell. I fell in love while listening to these two.
12. I have an ongoing struggle/love for photography.
13. I am very impulsive.
14. I am an excellent speller.
15. I love strong coffee with honey.
16. I constantly have new creative ideas trying to work their way out of me.
17. I love pilot precise pens.
18. I start way too many projects all at once.
19. I love to cook Thai food.
20. I am always cold, but now that i live down in Texas, i am always hot.
21. I love hoodies and hats.
21. I will miss the snow.
22. Riding my bike is my favorite.
23. I am training to be in triathlons.
24. I love to travel and when I do, its never enough. I always want to go somewhere new and different.
25. I am slowly figuring out what it is I want to do.
26. I write, alot.
27. I love my dog Sugaree.
28. She loves me.
29. I collect small things. I love small things. the smaller the better.
30. I love vintage/antique fabric and furniture.
31. I fantasize about the home I will own one day.
32. I sing and dance at home to hip-hop.
33. I am a total dork!
34. I am typically very organized and love to sort things.
35. I worry about what others think about me.
36. I try to read the Bible everyday.
37. I over-analyze everything.
38. My dream car is a 1963 Jaguar E-type in Midnight Blue.
39. I have been to Russia.
40. Me and my husband are both obsessed with shoes.
41. I love buying new earrings and almost always lose just one.
42. I am very fortunate to have the family I do, I love them to no end.
43. I want to follow in my mothers footsteps.
44. I have always wanted a lot of children but then I see that one naughty child out and about and it makes me think the whole thing over.
45.I have CRAZY internal struggles.
46. I capitalize letters in the middle of sentences and words.
47. I was a huge trouble maker back in the day.
48. I have very strong fingernails--they are healthy.
49. Sugar is constantly beckoning me and I have very weak defense mechanisms against it.
50. I really really want my own garden.
51. I love flowers and believe that God gave us them as a present to make us happy and smile.
52. Jellyfish are interesting.
53. I am very interested in how I can make you happy. I am a people pleaser.
54.I love bright colors.
55.I love sparkling water.
56. HOT baths are my favorite after a very long day.
57.I go back and forth eating meat and not eating meat.
58. I really am sensitive.
60. I love peanut butter and honey and bananas.
61. I love getting presents: c'mon who doesn't!
62. Me and college battle each other, but someday I will be victorious.
63. I love fresh vegetables and ice cream.
64. I justify my faults too fast.
65. I have looked up to my sister my whole life.
66. I love to swim.
67. I personally think that money is the devil's disguise.
68.I am terrible with cell phones. They usually only last me about 3 months.
69. Faith is stronger than sight.
70. My whole life I have had a journal. I used to have one with a cute little gold lock on it, when I was 8, that you could have broken with a toothpick.
71. I get frustrated with the coming and going of friends.
72.I doodle and day dream a lot.
73. I have 20/15 vision. That's better than 20/20. But i bought glasses because i think they are stylish.
74. I love high fashion. I would buy everything Michael Kors and Calvin Klein if I could.
75. I am only 3/4th's done with this?
76. My mom always wanted a brown eyed girl and she got one!
77. I do things way too fast. I need to learn to slow down.
78. I dreamed about being a ballerina for most of my child hood years.
79. I don't like gossip---at all.
80. Fear is not something I am very aware of.
81. I can stand to not eat for up to 10 days but eating is probably my most favorite thing to do.
82. When I was a kid my mom said I was the busiest person she knew. Always doing a million things at once
83. I have very vivid dreams!
84. I once dreamed that all my teeth fell out in my hands and that same night my mom dreamed the same thing!
85. I used to run very very fast!
86. I skipped about half of high school.
87. Wrapping presents all nice and pretty is fun to do for me.
88. I am obsessed with smoothies from Daily Juice.
89. I think I may be allergic to dairy, but cant bring myself to get the test because I love cheese!
90. Fire is fascinating.
91. I really love animals and would love to go to Africa.
92. Sometimes I think up grand ideas in my head and then act them out and realize they were silly.
93. I have always loved the names Solomon and Poppy.
94. I would love to have bookshelves full of all the books I should read.
95. I fall asleep watching movies a lot.
96. Red Vines are a trigger to me.
97. I seek approval constantly from people I barely even know.
98. I love to design things.
99. This one time, at band camp.....hah just kidding.
100. Love my new haircut.
101. Genuinely despise cockiness.

Today will be the first day of things that have been storing themselves up in my head spill over. These things will begin to take shape and form and as I see fit and begin to spill out on the page.